“ I remember the first time I listened to Lauren’s song ‘New’.  There was a nice beat, nice voice, and then it hit me.  There was the phrase, ‘Old habits die, when you want to live’.  I kept repeating it, and God plunged it deep into my heart and seared it into my mind.  Ashley and I had spoken two days before about how I needed to break the cycle of thinking I was stuck in, as well as, be more positive and kind to myself.  These were very old habits.  I had always hated myself for as long as I could remember.  I had always had this delusional way of thinking as well.  It was at this point that I thought maybe it was possible that I did want to live. Of course the negative cognitions, that had been present since childhood, beat that idea down very quickly, and tormented me more.  But, the seed was planted.  If I wanted to truly live, I needed to break old habits, or make them die.  If I am totally honest, this living thing is something I struggle with daily.  Sometimes I do, most of the time not, but it is a battle, and one that I am actually beginning to fight. My 43rd birthday came in August.  As a gift to myself, I wanted to tattoo this on my body, in a place that I could see it, and that others could see it also.  When I started having negative thoughts or planning to harm myself, I wanted to see that image and remind myself that these ways of thinking and these old habits had to die. I also wanted to remind myself that maybe I did, for a short moment of time, actually want to live.  If you look at the tattoo, there are wavy lines moving up and down but falling lower.  This symbolizes the roller coaster ride of changing bad habits, essentially making them die.  If your habits do not add fullness to your life and bring joy, then they need to be changed, leading to their death.  This is followed by the natural human heart wave of an EKG.  This symbolizes the heart and life, and the important relationship they share.  Then this all moves into my favorite flower, a daisy.  This symbolizes that when the previous two are present, the life you have will bloom.  I see it every day, I feel it every day, I live it every single day.”